Goooooood Moooorning Israel!

Israel: Your Questions Answered
1. Yes. There are a lot of kids with enormous guns in Israel. Particularly at train stations. Their guns look like toys, although you know they're not. Someone explained to me that this is because the type of gun they carry is made of plastic not metal, but I'm pretty confidant that it's actually because 1) they're kids; and 2) I've never seen a machine gun before.
2. No. Not everyone in Israel is a religious nut case. In fact, aside from the odd Orthodox Jew here and there, no one seems to give a shit. I've only seen one person praying, wrapping some black arm band around their forearm early one morning in a hostel in Tel Aviv. But, the amount of misinformation that gets spouted, mostly by Jewish tourists, is truly astounding. For instance, did you know that Israel was uninhabited before the end of World War Two? No? Neither did I. I was also unaware that the use of terrorism was absolutely not a contributing factor to the British handing over the Palestinian Territories. No. No. No. They did so peaceably, and out of the goodness of their hearts. Bless their little cotton socks.
3. Yes. Christians are crazy everywhere. A short trip to the Jordan River will confirm this hypothesis pretty quickly. For 25 Shekels you can hire yourself a baptismal robe and dunk yourself in the water. Hallelujah! You'll be saved! Then you can cry and sing and hug and get all self righteous because you accepted Jeebus into your heart. Lucky you.
4. No. No one is Kosher. This week working in the kitchen I've cooked a vat of bacon and barbequed 600 pork ribs. Then I sat down and watched all the beautiful Jewish people devour them. I am the most Kosher person here. Seriously.
5. Yes. Israelis are abrupt, sometimes rude, don't believe in rubbish bins, and consider road rules to be optional not mandatory. Do not cross a road in Tel Aviv according to the green light that tells you to. You will be killed. Seriously. Pedestrian crossings are so meaningless I fail to understand why they even have them here.
6. No. The country is not some desolate middle eastern wasteland. Tel Aviv puts any Australian city to shame in terms of it's cosmopolitanism. But, they have the shittest taste in music ever. Ever. I mean please, trance music? I think it's an overstatement to even have "music" in the title of that particular genre.
The North of Israel is green and beautiful. The Sea of Galilee is great from a distance, but seeing as Israelis have not yet worked out how to use rubbish bins (it's not so hard: rubbish go in bin) the sand is filthy. But all is made up for by the wolves that howl at night. Honestly, I could wax lyrical about the wolves for days. But I won't.